PRESS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION
The Boomerang CDS = A Financial Instrument Whose Time Has Come
Here’s my plan to protect my (ass)ets and my family from here on out:
I’ve developed a new financial index called the Boomerang credit-default swap.
I’m betting that politicians and their policies will fail Too Big for my liking. Based on historical perspective and reality (a sound and well understood science), this new index provides protection against governmental high jinx, and failure in high places. Should their policies cause collapse of the financial system and economy, the risk of counting on them for anything (like my family’s financial future) is ameliorated. The extremely high risk associated with looking to one’s government and “elected” representatives to watch out for your interests in lieu of selling out to corporate entities can now be insured against with the Boomerang CDS.
I’m expecting extremely high investment participation by American citizens affected by recent events. As a source of new funding for households everywhere, sound, honest money should flow into this investment category at an unprecedented rate, rendering government interventions impotent. As can be seen 24-7, administration officials simply “can’t get it up” when it comes to pumping up the beleaguered economy.
Expectations are rising like a rocket with the recent unveiling of this innovative CDS -- a veritable People’s Condom providing lasting protection against governmentally-caused STD’s (Stupidly Transmitted Defaults) – such that, government officials may very well pile into this vehicle themselves based on their insider knowledge of rampant incompetence among their peers.
Interestingly, the phones have been ringing off the hook in “the Pit” as Congress persons are lining up to insure themselves against themselves. The Obama administration has formed a Commission funded with taxpayer money to ascertain if the concept of “insuring themselves against themselves” is illegal.
However, congressional attorneys studying the issue have provided assurances that, whether legal or not, prior precedents of illegal acts establish the right to operate outside the law without accountability. AG, Eric Holder said on FOX Snus today, “Surely, it is bad form and appears unseemly for administration officials to attempt to purchase insurance against their very own actions, but doggone it – this just makes financial sense!” The President is expected to issue a Signing Statement should legalities get in the way.
The Boomerang CDS may very well prove to be a sanctuary for Americans’ hard earned, yet flaccid fiat money. Returns on investment promise to be 100% when batting averages for policy makers are taken into account.
With such an investment vehicle hitting the market, all money in the entire freaking world may very well flow into this category, as investors know a winning horse when they see it – betting on government policies to fail.
The Boomerang CDS – once again proving, American ingenuity knows no bounds.
“When Crisis comes a knocking, we’ll take our money and go a walking”.